The Only Thing That Remains Unchanged

Graduating from college I'm coming to the realization day by day that everything changes. Good things, bad things, things you want to change, things you don't want to change, external things, internal things, things you plan for, and things that come unexpectedly. Some change comes subtly and is laid piece by piece over a long period of time (the things of the heart: character, relationship) and some comes quickly and mercilessly (the things of the world: responsibility, brokenness). The reality is that it is impossible to not change, there is no static position where we can sit down and take a breather and look at everything perfectly in place, because God wants us to change while He sustains. Looking at my life over the past few months I am overwhelmed by the alterations that being an adult has put into place. From car insurance to cell phone bills, every day tags on a little more responsibility to post college life. The phrase that has been running through my head in the midst of it all is that, in the midst of a world that is always changing, God is the only thing that remains unchanged.

So many times in my life there have been seasons or specific moments when I wish I could just freeze frame and wake up every day to have it be like that. Like in Joshua when God makes the sun stand still in the sky. But then I wake up the next day to find something new and better and different... something I never would have experienced had I stayed in that perfect moment. More and more I come to think that there is purpose behind why we as humans change. Let me use an analogy: as an artist, I have learned about the different elements of design... the things that make art dynamic and powerful and more than just ink on paper. One of these elements is contrast, and I believe the contrast of us as humans always changing and God remaining unchanged makes our lives and our relationship with God all the more powerful. It gives us peace; like sitting around a campfire and watching the flames lick around the wood while you sit unmoving in the dark, or like standing on a river bank watching the water flow by while you stand firm on solid ground. We were created to change, to move, to be transformed more into the image of our Creator. He indeed is our Solid Rock, our strong tower, our refuge in the storm. Change has new meaning when it's wrapped in the reality of God's love. We have to trust Him with change. To believe in His faithfulness, to make ourselves available to His working in us and through us. We have to live with open hands. When I was in South Africa during the month of May, we had the opportunity to hear the testimony of one of the missionaries we were working with. She, for the first time, really showed me the necessity of living life with hands wide open. Not clinging to our talents, dreams, relationships, hopes, normals, or possessions; but holding everything in the palm of our hands up to God. He is the One who gives and takes away, we don't have control. And instead of holding tight to the things that we know will change (which make us anxious, fearful, and frustrated), let us cling to the One who will never change (who brings peace). Who is the same today as He was yesterday and will be tomorrow. As it says in Philippians 4: "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus."

So God change me in your sovereignty. Teach me to live my life with hands wide open and to believe.... to believe that You, the only thing that remains unchanged, love me more than I will ever know. What do I have to fear?

Pursuit

Sometimes I walk in on a conflict between my mind and my heart that makes me stop to listen. More often than not I end up predisposed to what my mind has to say, or rather entertaining the "what if's" rather than going with the assurance that holds my heart. This week I have been participating in Seven, a week of prayer and fasting put on through Solid Rock pursuing God for revival in Portland. I set out at the start of the week with awesome intentions (I feel like we always do- smile) of how I was going to spend this week intentionally in prayer for our city, that God would break my heart for what breaks His, and for the people God has put in my life, how it was going to be a week to remember my time in South Africa just over two weeks ago and pray for the people and the ministry that is at work there. I was also spurred on my the words of Mike Erie who spoke at Solid Rock several weeks ago, calling us to truly be desperate for God... to cry out to Him as our only hope for restoration, for healing, and for truth. Good intentions also included spending time in devotions daily and having time to journal and pray during the day... in all that it would be a week of spiritual retreat where I could pursue God intentionally and focus on Him. That is still so much the desire of my heart and I so thankful for the fact that God's character includes patience... there is hope for me yet (smile)

I sit here on the bring of day three of the fast realizing that I have not accomplished all that I had hoped for the week. It's easy for my heart to get discouraged... to feel like I'm not fasting for the right reasons and me not eating seems legalistic, or I'm not living any differently this week or spending as much time in the word as I want to... my mind comes up with a lot of arguments that label me as a failure. But maybe that's the point. That God meets us in our pursuit of Him and blesses us despite whether or not we meet the spiritual goals that we set for ourselves. I'm reminded of going to Tuesday morning bible study over the past year at Solid Rock and hearing Josh White say that, "the fact you are here means that you want a deeper relationship with God." The truth is that I heard those words as I was half asleep in sweats at 6am and that as much as I tried desperately to get something from the message every Tuesday morning, my tired mind didn't retain much. Josh was right... I do want a deeper relationship with God and that's why I was there early in the morning to learn about Him, and that's a lot of the reason why I'm fasting. But as the Word says, "the spirit is willing but the flesh is weak", my heart fights to get me up every morning, or to get me to be faithful in devotions this week as I fast but my mind (or my flesh) sees the weakness and considers it failure, bringing emptiness to my pursuit. But then my heart came up with an analogy that has spoken louder than any argument my mind could muster up: what if faith is like the relationship between a father and son. The father gives his son an allowance to do with what he pleases: to spend or save, but it is the father's ultimate goal that the son would learn lessons in stewardship and have wisdom in how he uses it. What if one day the son comes to the father and offers up his allowance in an outstretched hand telling the father that he wants to give it to the homeless? His heart is in the right place... it's incredible that he wants to sacrifice what he has out of compassion. But the fact is that the allowance is only $.50 and that it's really not going to make that much of a difference in helping the homeless. But does the father reject the offering? Absolutely not! He takes it with a smile, so so proud of his son despite how effective his offering will be in ministry or the difference it will make. The father will bless the son for his pursuit of what he knows to be right. 

Maybe we should listen to our hearts and follow its leading more often. God loves our pursuit of him, whatever offering we bring, however small of baby steps we take, God will bless us for the desires of our heart because they long for Him. More and more I come to think that it's more a matter of the heart than anything else, more about believing God at His word and pursuing him even if we have to fight through our own pride and inconsistency. He wants us and it's not going to happen all at once. God didn't come to save spiritual giants but to nurture spiritual toddlers in their pursuit of Him. Let's listen to the voice in our hearts, the whisper of the holy spirit in our souls.